Weekend Journal

 The weather is in perfect equilibrium this weekend. 

Saturday's water-logged greyness reveals a clean, blue sky with abundant sun. I don't care to waste time struggling with words , and how to set them right on the page. A journal entry is to be one without guise. 

In a conversation with a very dear friend recently, I recalled how I used to feel and do things with so much more verve and with such fearless abandon. My internal flame is not extinguished but it has been burning carelessly low in the recent year. 

The main cause is one I can put my thumb on. It's not a great mystery. Like the weather, life moves in and out of sunshine.

Life giveth and life taketh away. It's universal law......but God, do I miss my spark. My fearless desire to do EVERYTHING. The dearth of an easy going state of mind must change it's current.

In a week's time, I will board a plane to my love in Scandinavia. We will be re-united. If God will's it, the second part of our journey will begin to unfold. The burden of struggle will, with any grace, be lightened. 

As I stare out my window, our beautiful black cat, Gossen, lazing in the the sun---I am at once grateful and anxious. More grateful than anxious, but anxiety is, I have found, a part of life. Being a mother means I will forever have rental space in my head for anxiety. Unless all sensitivity has abandoned you, being a parent will at once, mend your heart and break it. The pride and love I have for each of my son's is my mooring. 

The church bells are ringing in the distance with stoic harmony. The sun is shining and the trees are just beginning to bud.

In no effort to sound purposely trite, it's time to bloom once again.